On the verge of dying..
A warning.
To a life that comes to an end,
I do not plan living long. Everyday is a torture for there is a desire not to live anymore. It even made me wonder why I still continued to live when the life that I had once was already gone. I curse death for not taking my life when it is long dead. I am empty. I do not have dreams to achieve. I do not have something to die for or something to look forward to in the future. For the past years, I tried searching for something to call as home. Yet maybe it is not just here, but rather on the other side and maybe that will be the reason I will take my life.
I did not regret anything but the fact that I have not done this early that sufferings have consumed me for so long instead. I love endings. It reminds me that everything is going to be over, and that includes my life. I am sorry if this how I am going to end. It is bitter but I think this way is much better—to drown off myself into the darkness I always belong in. I think dying is same as going home. It is safe. It is painless. It is inviting and welcoming.
I wonder what would you expect to someone who is fighting for so long, have stood the strongest, and never did once relied on someone. Do you think she would stay the same?
Because for me, I bet she would give up because life is not always about fighting, sometimes it is simply giving up when life's sufferings have already tormented us enough.
