oh, how i wish i could stay as a kid forever.
when i was young, i always wished for me to grow faster. i admired those adults around me who was able to provide for themselves while having fun, i also wanted to live independently, i wanted to be like them.
it was the twelve years old wish of mine.
i was desperate to grow up, and that desperation turned into suffering. oh, how i wish i could go back to that twelve years old age of mine and change my wish into staying into that time forever. i hope i could go back to those times where all i had to worry about was how to tell my mom that i needed some materials in the last minute, or to those times where all i’d cry about was getting bruises while i was playing with my friends, or to those times that i’d get rewarded for simply getting star marks in my arms.
adulting wasn’t as easy as it looks when i was a kid. it was so easy to dream when i was young, why did i have to grow up? do i really have to go through a lot of suffering just so i could have the life that i wanted? can’t i just go back into being that little kid who was amazingly cheerful and confident? i used to be so ambitious, now i don’t even know what i want to become.
the people around me once told me that i have a bright future ahead of me, but it seems like it became too bright that i wasn’t able to even see it, it was blinding. what do i want to become? perhaps there is something i’m good at, but when will i ever discover it?
as i tried to reminisce all the things that i’ve gone through, it seems like the last time that i became genuinely happy was when i was a kid. can’t i just go back into becoming that innocent kid who never got to experience how cruel the world was? do i really have to decide and choose the path that i want to take, even if it means i’ll suffer? or what if i don’t know what to take at all? what if there is nothing that i want to become, and nothing was meant for me?
i never knew it was this hard, oh, how i wish i could stay as a kid forever.
