a child who carried so much of everything in her eyes..
i can't help but cry for the child i saw back then. she has so much understanding of what is happening around her, yet her heart can't figure out how this small house of hers could hold so much rain and thunder within. she was still a child; she was supposed to run with her friends, but instead she carried the breaking point of her home to school, learning 1 + 1 = how a little child can make her father not cheat or her mother not beat the hell out of her because she broke the plates while washing the dishes accidentally. then i saw her reaching the point of her school life on the corridors while her friends was running on the other side, she was walking along with those who carried so much weight on their shoulders trying to catch up with the heights of the adult. ignoring the supposed picture of her childhood.
but at some point i stopped seeing her, and then on those lonely nights when sometimes everything just get louder, she would appear in a form of a mirror in my room, reminding me of who she is, embracing my naked body during my cold baths, trying to wash over my understanding that the child was me.
a child who carried so much of everything in her eyes, yet she was told to grow up despite the efforts she put in trying to understand despite of all the wrongs she saw that her family is still a family no matter how many blades and arrows were thrown on every side taken in every war that destroyed her childhood.
